Tag Archives: man

Stop Being Such a Girl

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Guest Author James E. Perryman Jr.

I’m a Man. Raised by women, but still…ALL MAN. In my life I’ve had to teach myself how to become this man. And as I get older, I realized not many are taught to deal with their emotions. I’ve had to deal with many of mine alone, not because I had no one to turn to, but because I thought that was what a man had to do.
So when a female friend of mine said ‘You have women issues’, meaning, I have issues in relationships and friendships with women (not that I have monthly pains, or want to wear their skin) I agreed. It was true and I didn’t know why. Despite the fact that I’ve been around women all my life, I do not understand them, and I never will, but I love them. However, the thing that really has me perplexed is that numerous times over the past year I’ve been told that I was acting like a girl..by a girl.
Each time this was said to me, whether in jest or as advice to ‘man up’, my initial reaction was to take EXTREME Offense! I was raised by my four older sisters and my mom, so I have an aversion to appearing feminine in any way. (I’M A MAN!! You’re the stupid little Girl!!)But after the anger subsided, I saw what they meant. No matter what, we all expect men to be men. Good or Bad, men should be Strong, Brave, and Unaffected by anything less than a bullet or sharp weapon (and sometimes thats no excuse). So if we men fall short of this, we must be reminded, that we are infact acting like a girl.

-Men aren’t allowed to cry unless their mother dies, and that must only be a single tear quickly wiped away.
-Men must never seem like they are not in control of the situation. (If you ask for directions, it means you have failed your rugged ancestors and you no longer possess the navigation gene)
-Men must be able to fix whatever mechanical, financial, or technical problem that may arise.
-Men must be a rock, not letting their emotions get the best of them. (You don’t care if she returns your call, you’re busy fixing your carburetor, or killing some beast with your hands)
-Men satisfy their women in every way possible.(Whenever a woman leaves you for another man, it is a sign of your complete deficiency as either a provider, lover, or protector, and therefore you have NO BALLS)

Though absurd, these are the exaggerated truths of society. While my mom did a fine job with my sisters, I notice that its different for girls today. Most of the women I know have been raised to think for themselves and believe in their abilities. They are to provide for themselves and not depend on any man or woman (as I was told by my sister ‘women are competitive, sometimes for NO reason’).
So why would the most common form of advice that I get from women be to ‘stop being a girl’? Aren’t they girls?…not anymore… women don’t want to be girls! They are women, they are grown, and they want MEN who are their equal(an equal that realizes that the WOMAN sets the scale). While every aspect of the male persona may confuse, aggravate and irritate women, they realize that we as men are capable of greatness, when we are not distracted by petty or futile things. Petty things like cleavage and futile things like trying to win an arguement with a woman. We are not equipped to battle in the mind of a woman. As men we try to think logically and be problem solvers. Unfortunately we are also problem causers, in that we dont always take into account the ‘unseen’. Women are experts in the UNSEEN.

-A woman knows when another woman has given her ‘a look’…and what that look meant.
-A woman knows when you are lying, whether she chooses to believe you or not she knows.
-A woman knows that you haven’t noticed all the 1,000,000 things she has done just so you, as a man, can be comfortable, encouraged, and not immasculated.
-A woman thinks of 10 possible outcomes to a situation, all before that situation has even occurred..and worries about them all accordingly.
-A woman will be friends with a woman she doesn’t even like, just to keep an eye on her.
Now…thats alot of stuff to have on your mind, and its not even the half of it.

Women have the amazing ability to tell a man, he is acting irrational like them, and not discredit themselves in the process. When I went through a break up with my girlfriend I spent alot of time talking to my mom, the most amazing woman on earth. (Yes i’m a reformed mama’s boy). And her counsel to me changed my life. She told me that I have been dominated by women all my life and it was time for me to make decisions for myself. Be lead by God to become the Man that I was meant to be. I couldn’t torture myself trying to be the perfect man for my ex, (whom had already moved on). I had to focus on the path before me. I couldn’t sit around talking to every soul about her, regretting everything I’d done, wondering what she was doing, thinking, and feeling. I had to concern myself with things I could control.
From watching my sistes grow up, I can imagine being a girl is torturous.Through dealing with society’s demands and guidelines for their lives and bodies,it must be exhausting. They must protect their heart, soul, and Goodie parts from attackers, every moment of the day. I’ve seen girls spend their day questioning everything from their own motivations and decisions, to whom they can trust with their feelings and sometimes their lives. As a man, I can’t identify with that 100%, but I do admire every woman I know who has endured her plight in life and still has the strength to admit she is going through the baggage she carries with her.
So the advice to ‘stop acting like a girl’, while still an insult, is now more of a wake up call to me, as a very sensitive guy (I’m also a cancer) to stop living inside my head and take responsibility for whatever I’ve done and control of what I have control over…which usually feels like just the remote, but hey its a start. At least I know that I have a long way to go, and I’m appreciative of all the women in my life who have helped me( either by advising me or breaking my heart) develop into the man I am to be. Now if ONLY they could take their own advice!

~James E. Perryman Jr.

Easy Six Pack in Seconds!

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Now this Horrible awesome new product puts a whole new meaning to fast results. Abs just not what they used to be? Too busy to care? Well you’ll love this product called the “Ab-Hancer.” It literally takes your existing folds and molds them into a six pack shape thus making the old-fashioned work out a thing of the past. Women have padded bras and now we too have a tool to fool the opposite sex into thinking we are more attractive than we really are.  I just hope they come out with one for the chest cause this man bra chafes! Thanks for sending in Cat.

 

[source: Buzzfeed]

 

Top 5 Annoying Traits Men Have

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I’ve asked some friends about the annoying traits that men have, and have come up with this completely random list. Ofcourse, none of these were my traits since I am so manly – I have transcended manliness and thus have shed these traits behind in my former hairy, smelly, shell – much like Cicadas in the summer. However, for you mortals, I have compiled this list, complete with excuses.

5-whistling and or hollering at women as they walk by

Ok, so yeah – this one is kinda dumb. Fellas, she is no more likely to respond positively with a yell than a hello if she is not into you. Stop messing it up for the next guy by acting like a tool. However, ladies, has it occurred to you that this man – may simply have been admiring your exquisite sense of taste by matching your nail polish cleverly with the subtle colors of your summer dress, and was simply trying to let you know over the sound of the bustling city? No? OK – well had to try.

4-Not giving up the remote control

While this action may come across as domineering and frankly selfish, this act is actually one of selfless desire to please all in the household. Think of it this way. The man in this situation has taken the harsh responsibility of pre-screening all of the channels for the benefit of the entire household. Not only must he stay up late at night to check to make sure that indeed all 50″ of the TV that was just purchase performs up to standard, but his near endless source of tenacity and sticktoitiveness leads him on in shuffling through all 2,000-plus channels just for his family’s benefit. After such an ordeal, why don’t we applaud this man rather than ridicule and wag the finger?

3-Wearing holy undergarments

One word…loyalty. We never abandon those who have been with us in thick and thin and our undies are no exception. Most of us have an unusual, and possibly creepy relationship with our undies. Why ole blue has been with me since college. A little wear and tear won’t cause me to leave him behind – not after all we’ve been through!

2-crotch scratchin’

The fellas must be comfortable at all times…period. There is no pleasure being derived from adjustment. Adjustment is just that…precisly calculated adjustments to ensure said package is at optimum performance and comfort. Anything less would be uncivilized.

1-crotch scratching in public

Did you not read the previous? ALL TIMES…PERIOD! Where there is discomfort there is no shame.

Acting too Girly?

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I’ve been contemplating this story for a while now and I’m still in shock. The story proceeds as follows:

A certain Mr. Pedro Jones was baby-sitting for his girlfriend and noted the child was acting a bit too girly for his liking. Taking matters into his own hands, he strikes the child. The child goes into cardiac arrest and dies. He was “trying to make him act like a boy instead of a girl.”

Now this is the whole point I’ve been trying to make with this blog…what constitutes acting like a boy or acting manly? Why are we so caught up in this false sense of bravado anyway? Why can’t a man be a man without all of these additional labels applied? Granted, there must be some definition or characteristics (i.e. men who leave progeny all over the place would more fit the boy category and not the man in my opinion) but I am really talking about the subtle hints that society at large whisper to us. “Men walk with a lean” or “Men drink Alcohol – preferably beer” or maybe “Men should want to ‘score’ as much as possible.” I’m sure if the question, what does it mean to be a man were posed to 20 different men, we would probably get 30 different answers. To be honest, I’m not so sure myself. But to beat a child to death for not being born with your ideal definition of being a man -without even having a chance to mature – is nowhere near close to my definition of what it means to be a man.

What are your thoughts?

[Yahoo News]

Women think Men are too Manly?

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Was tossed an interesting article from the Wall Street Journal the other day. Based on some statistics, apparently, men are becoming too manly. The study seems to point out that the more wealthy a society is, the more likely their women are to choose a mate that has less of the “manly” features we have worked so hard to groom. Granted, the researchers only interviewed white candidates in order to control the experiment, but they found that women from Mexico, Argentina, and Bulgaria, countries that had low marks on the health care index, were more likely to find men with more “manly” characteristics attractive. On a side note, I find it interesting that Mexicans, and Argentinians are being considered white here, but hey I guess they are in the name of science!

Now we all know what makes a man manly right? Well in case you don’t, the article points it out clearly. Thick eyebrows, broad chin, and a mean scowl with squinty eyes…missing anything??? I think that about covers  it in all cultures globally.  All in all, its a pretty interesting read, and should have us manly-men boarding flights to the poorest countries around to pick up their hot girls, but that is of course if the ladies who composed this study don’t all change their minds  randomly for some irrational reason thus discounting the entire study!

[thanks for sending Tuan]

Now for some Chuck Norris:

New Iron Man 2 Trailer

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If your as much of a fan of comics as I am, no doubt you’ve seen Iron Man 1 and are eagerly anticipating Iron Man 2. Well, a new trailer has surfaced and some interesting goodies have been added. We see a little more onscreen time with Whiplash played by Mickey Rourke, and some awesome hand to hand with the Black Widow played by Gwyneth Paltrow. We also get to see Rhodes (Don Cheadle) in an unpainted suite (presumably War Machine suite without the paint job). We see them teaming up to destroy a whole pile of wannabees and its awesomeness!!! Did you see War Machines Guns!!!! Ok, enough, you probably haven’t read a word of this so I’ll stop talking. Video is below:

#6 The Decisive Man

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Staying the course…That’s the Manly-Man’s way.  It’s #6 on the list of Manly Characteristics is being decisive. Too many men these days are wishy-washy, like a confused puppy. Can’t make up their minds. “Too many options” they say. “Should I get the blue sandals that match with this new t-shirt?” Disgusting. I believe its these new fangled gizmos coming out every other day that are confusing our young men. Every time you look around there is something new coming out. Prime example. First the iPod, iPhone, iPhone3G, etc…. Now, I’m not haitin’ cause I want one too! I love my technology as much as the next guy, but seriously, I have 3 portable devices that do approximately the same thing. It’s starting to get confusing man!

This new generation is what I’ll call the A.D.D. generation. You know its true. If your 40 and below, you want your stuff, and you want it now. What’s this “patience is a virtue” business? That’s why recommend being manlyly decisive. (see I decided to make up a word) Your first choice is as good as the next. Just choose and be done with it. Marriage? The first one to say yes must be the one. Job, do they pay the same currency as the country you live in? Yes? Great to be on the team. What to eat…is it mildly digestible by most of the human population? Sold! See, how easy is that? Plus, an added bonus is how much people will respect you for your manly behavior. Some, who know nothing about manly things, may call it ignorance, or hard-headedness. Bah! Since they don’t know much you don’t have to listen to them. Pesky excuses for not being decisive like “reason” or “different perspective” have no place in your vocab. Shun them.

So in conclusion, the sure fire way to being a Manly Man is to swing the heavy axe of Judgment swiftly and without looking. That’s being a man…A Manly-Man.

To Do, or not to Doo Doo

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The Throne...where every man is king for a while

At long last, the awaited excuse to get up from your desk as arrived. The call of nature has rung through loud and clear, and the coffee, soda, juice, or water that was had for breakfast, has done its work. It’s urinatin’ time.

As you make your way to the rest room, you try not to make eye contact with that one cute girl so she doesnt think your staring at her boossom and think your some kind of a stalker perv. You evade the the guy with the weird haircut that talks incessantly about the same thing over and over again with a well played pivot move you picked up from streetball the other day. Nice move. Finally you make it to the stalls. The muscles relax, and you relieve yourself – or so you think.

It’s instinct to finish up by washing your hands (unlike your boss who always wants to shake your hand knowing good and well he hasn’t washed his hands for the past few days) and keeping it moving but the dreaded happens. As soon as you leave the bathroom, you feel your bowels doing their good work, and this mornings bagel is making its move as well. This is the question we all want answered. After you have already urinated and left, should you go back in for #2?

The risks: 1. The cute girl you were trying not to stare at notices you making another move for the bathroom again and immediately thinks you have explosive diarrhea, and this is just round two. She will think you have to booboo every time you get up and will give you with that look of disgust you were trying to avoid all along.

2. If you don’t go, you will be uncomfortable for the next 15 minutes, and have to go anyway, but this time you will need to have an excuse like, I left my pen etc… But if you wait, what if it really is explosive diarrhea? You try to let some gas out and its a wrap.

Our call is to make the move boldly. No flip-flopping. Go back in man and handle your business. In our collective experiences here at the manly man, certain female confidants have reported that the female bathroom is much worse than you think! Yeah, they have fancy stuff in there, but they have cloggings just like we do! Plus, you’ll be relieved when you get back to your desk, and you’ll be able to actually work instead of stall for a few minutes before you get back up.

So, with no apologies, no excuses be a Manly Man and take care of business when it arises.

50 Bucks from TMobile! How should I Spend it???

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I'M RICH!!!!

So I went to the mail and got 50 bucks from T-Mobile. Their line-up has gotten quite nice with the Samsung family of phones with the crazy megapixel cameras, as well as their sidekicks and, of course, Google Phone. With the rumored “Mytouch” or “G2” coming up as well as the Touch Pro 2 potentially hitting stores in the next few months, I’m actually kinda glad I stuck with them.

Now, Im having trouble trying to figure out what to do with my money! write your comments and suggestions below and if I like…Ill buy and post for all to see. I will make my purchase on the 10th so you better hurry!!!